I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
