What did we do last night that was yellow?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
