ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
