im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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