I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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