When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
