I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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