I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
