There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
