is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I want is dick and wine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
