I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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