Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.

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(514): View more from Quebec

you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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(703): View more from Virginia

just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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(516): View more from New York

what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

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(253): View more from Washington

So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.

(910): View more from North Carolina

im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325

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(770): View more from Georgia

One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?

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