its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
