we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
