I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
