I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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