Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
