I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will die if light touches me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
