In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
