His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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