What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's never too late to be topless.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
