Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
