A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FUCK WHALES
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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