My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
