i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
handjob tips. give me some.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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