Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
