I'm so fucking centered right now
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
