My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
operation harelip BJ is a go
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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