watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
