I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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