my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
