I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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