i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
