Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
