After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
