how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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