I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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