Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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