So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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