So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
