WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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