well I can't set my house on fire every night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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