my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
