meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
