Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
