if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
