He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
