she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
