Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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