Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
