Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
