Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
