Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
